Have you ever had one of those life altering thoughts where you feel immediately compelled to drop everything you know and completely start over?
Well, it’s been one of those weeks for me. I think we can all agree that even when we are doing something we enjoy or we love, there is always going to be that thing eating away at us in the back of our minds. Something else that captures our attention – a desire, a wish, a longing for something or to do a certain thing. Our curiosity doesn’t often defeat our will, but when it does, it can be so overwhelmingly powerful.
I’m pleased to tell you that I’ve had quite a productive week. It started off big with a writing session that entailed a group of people and the very admirable Dominic Holland last Sunday night. The session lasted a lot longer than any of us anticipated (around 2.5 hours) and there were plenty of pointers that I picked up on. I’m not sure it’s an obvious change to the way in which I write this blog, but I feel like some worthy points were made and I’m grateful that I can at least attempt to better my writing skills at Dom’s counsel. In all of lockdown, I think that this was probably one of the most notable and prominent moments for me.
Monday morning came and I had my first official day back of uni, all online of course. The fact that it has all got to be online is such a strange thing, particularly because photography is such a hands-on course. We are allowed on campus one day a week though, but it is all timetabled and meticulously planned out. Everyone must wear a mask, social distance, you know – the usual. It’s undoubtedly difficult now though. As of yet, we are unable to use the studios or borrow props and technical equipment, so much of it is down to us getting creative and innovative in our upcoming projects. It’ll be inherently more difficult of course, but I’m actually looking forward to getting back into creating things, making art. I’ve had such a substantial amount of time away from it, as I’m sure a lot of others have too, but it’ll be nice to jump back into it.
During this time away though, I’ve had a bit of a creative epiphany. Truthfully, it’s probably more of an existential crisis, but one that I’m finally finding my way out of, I think. So, a bit of context - I have always been into photography. But I think, towards the end couple of years of secondary school is when I started getting a little more serious about it and decided to pick it as an A-Level. Since then, it’s been solely photography and I thought that was all I wanted to do with my life. I saw myself having a career and perhaps showcasing work in galleries, in exhibitions, through editorials; the list I had in mind was essentially endless.
Over the past few months though, I’ve been wondering if that is all I have to offer the world. I’ve been in a bit of a creative rut, had no desire to photograph, nothing to inspire me. Except for film that is. Lockdown has come at an opportune time, and I’m almost thankful Miss Rona has decided to strike now. I’ve discovered a sort of underdetermined passion for film and cinematography in the copious amounts of telly I’ve been at the mercy of watching. So, for the past few months, my mind has been reeling (yes that was a pun) wondering if this could potentially be an avenue to take. Perhaps I am actually meant to become some kick ass cinematographer and work on larger scale projects, as opposed to my own independent photography projects? I just feel that I have more to communicate to society and might have found a new way to share my creative vision and perspective of the world.
I was due on campus this week in uni to start our first module of this year. Basically, I have to create a moving image or short film revolving around cultural identity. We were pitched a total of 5 different briefs, and this is the one that jumped out at me as soon as I heard it. The ideas were flooding, and I felt an overwhelming surge of inspiration and an idealised final outcome, so it was a given really. Then came the thoughts – maybe this is what I’m meant to do in life. Perhaps I am meant to become some sort of cinematographer or creator of short films? The possibilities are endless, and in turn so are the opportunities. I feel that there is a lot more scope for videographers in the creative realm, and I think this is something I want to explore more. And what better time to do it!
I feel that realistically, no one has a flamin’ clue on what it actually is they want to do in life. And the fact that we are expected to sort of pick a path at such a young age and basically stick to it adds to the fear of straying from that path and forming boundaries to stop you doing whatever it is you actually want to do. It’s an ideal that I won’t get behind. There are instances in life when you just have to eventually give up and try something new, for me anyway. I’m not sure I’ll be satisfied with just one path my entire life. There are still many things I want to do. For instance, I would love to actually publish a book or two one day, maybe delve into my childhood dreams and become a fashion designer, perhaps become a famous chef or baker and go on Bake Off, I even want to try my hand at acting at some point. There are so many paths to take and the options grow more and more each day as opportunities arise and technologies advance. I don’t think I’ll ever want to stop trying something new.
The next step for me I think, is having a bit of a dabble in videography and the art of cinematography. I may not like it in the end, but right now, it feels right. It’s something I have to trial and experiment with and see if I like it or not. If so, that’s great – you may see me in the credits of some feature films one day. But if not, that’s okay too. I’ll be glad to have done it and realised after that it ain’t for me.
I just thought I’d fill you in on what’s been racing through my mind this week. It’s been difficult to comprehend the fact that I may potentially be at the beginning of altering my entire career plan, but there’s a sort of excitement in that. And I just wanted to mark it really. And maybe even leave you with the thought of trying something new. It may not have to completely change your life, but it’s good to get yourself out there and experiment. You never know where it can take you, and I think that is the most exciting part of the process.
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